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Tonight’s dream

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007 @ 12:04 pm
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Posted in  Personal Process

In heuristic research, everything that the researcher lives is ‘data’, the topic becomes vivid during day and night times…in different forms, even in dreams. I was reading and writing bits in pieces yesterday around the relationship between moving between cultures and the sense of ‘home’ and i know that i have wrestled a lot around the fact that i havent reached the well-desired stage of integrating my two cultures and finding a sense of ‘at home-ness’, which is quite anxiety provoking…it’s sth that is a dominant theme in my life and it seems like it will be for a while, until i settle and reach that level of ‘integration’. And tonight I saw this following dream whose meaning occupies my mind:

I dont remember that much from the dream but what i do remember vividly is seeing the far end  appartment of the corridor where my current flat in the UK being demolished by a massive sort of tank and creating an empty space there (there are 3 flats in a row in my corridor, mine is at the opposite far end). I could remember that it was as if one of my best friends Vicky with her husband was living at the flat next to that one which disappeared and started screaming that they could get out…i also cam out in my pyjamas feeling a terror about the ‘demolishment’…when i woke up i felt very uneasy, as if my home is going to be demolished soon….and i know that this flat is not ‘mine’ but i have some sort of attachment to it and i do not have my own home in Greece either….the semiotics of having a ‘home’ as building even, becomes very important to me as the sense of ‘inner home’ or ‘feeling-at-home’ anywhere is very fragile…sometimes i am wondering whether i will survive this turmoil of researching something that is painful in my own story…but then, i get some moments of empowerement when i read about all this psychological impact of cultural split etc in academic texts cause it validates and ‘normalises’ my experience..will let it rest for now…

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