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Back to host culture…or what does it mean after all?

Sunday, September 16th, 2007 @ 8:55 pm
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Posted in  Personal Process

       Am back to the UK after a prolonged exposure to my ‘homeland’ (GR), which was very eventful, both in terms of external events but more so in terms of internal process…it is really painful sometimes and i feel on the void, quite a lonely place to be. I guess it is because i often feel i cannot communicate my experiences and ‘where am at’to my own people, it doesn’t make much sense to them, something that increases my sense of alienation and ‘non-belongin’…it feels nearly like an ‘ectopic pregnancy'(being conceived but out of the womb?…or is the real womb irrelevant of geographical location after all?). anyway, am feeling quite emotional now and the whole PhD process feels unbearable sometimes, when it is so autobiographical and ethnographical (greek words again….am haunted or maybe blessed…need to make peace with all these cultural forces…back to the ‘unresolved mother relationship again’). Being in the void is hard but the hopeful thing is that i have managed so far, i can fly, swim, walk on or in it…but why shall i be alone in it? Can i have a companion please?…a more intimate one…hey you, divine spirits, please respond! 

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