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'Personal Process'

It is getting real…

July 3rd, 2010No Comments  

The viva date is set and is approaching…i have been reading my thesis so that i am ‘in touch’ with it and taking some notes. I am feeling calm and rather stoic about it, i am aware that there will be an expected ammount of nervousness the couple of days before and on the day and am accepting about it…however, i would say that i am feeling confident – whatever will be, will be as the song says – and i have the sense that things will go well, meaning fair. I met with my supervisor yesterday and he is quite confident about my ability to deal well with ‘defending’ my work, we were laughing at some point about the fact that i seem calm about it, i said: “I wonder whether i shall be more stressed” :-). I feel that i have given to this PhD all i had to give, the process unfolded with me being deeply in touch with myself and i think that i offered the best i could, at least based on what i understood at a ‘conscious’ level. I am anticipating that the ‘ritual’ of the viva will be something that i can even enjoy…so, am keeping positive


May 23rd, 2010No Comments  

It is a unique day today…after a couple of months that have been full  with hectic work, physical illness and processes that i cannot voice in this blog, i have finally managed to ‘deliver’ this ‘baby thesis’…after a ‘pregnancy’ that lasted 4 years!  I printed the first final copy today, in the next couple of days i have to print another 2 copies of 314 pages each, do the binding, attend an appointment for electronic submission and then do the final ‘hard copy’ submission at University…it all feels a bit unreal and strange…i feel a sense of relief as well as bit of fear about what lies ahead, not necessarily academically speaking, but more around my life, especially the shifts of identity that occured due to the phd process…let’s see what happens…viva will be around mid-july…the journey continues

busy,busy,busy…but seeing more clearly ahead!

September 3rd, 2009No Comments  

am very busy with so many things these days and time flies so quikly! PhD writing is still hard but am making some progress, the more i go into it the more i discover. A shift that has happened now that i am writing the Discussion chapter, which feels like the hardest so far, is that i start identifying and seeing more clearly the useful practical implications emerging from my research, aside making a great contribution to knowledge/Literature on a topic where literature is actually limited or too fragmented….so, over last weekend and during this week, i have been contemplating on the different ways i can generate work for me, after the PhD, and offer a lot of what comes out in my research and personal experience in the form or workshops, training material, writing papers and so on…that filled me with feelings of both excitement and fear, like it usually happens when one finds his/her niche or calling of what he/she can contribute to, out there, where there is a need….the important thing is to stay grounded with what i have to complete in the present, whilst taking steps (maybe i can dedicate one day a week in planning and organising material for my future career possibilities, once i complete the PhD) towards what i want to build upon, as a basis for the future step…part of me is in the present, part in the future, i need to keep a balance and use my energy resources wisely. I am aware that i feel physically, emotionally and intelectually tired so, looking after myself is crucial at this stage.

further ‘transitions’…

August 22nd, 2009No Comments  

As stated previously, i rarely write in this blog now as i am so absorbed in thesis-writing…but i see this space as a virtual anchor for the research process and myself as writer/researcher so i enjoy sending a post, as and when…i am struggling with various waves of procrastination but am also feeling increasingly restless about completing this PhD, which is such good sign, it has to be done! I feel physically, emotionaly and intellectually tired by the process although i have load of moments of excitement when i realise the significance of my research, as i write, even if writinf feels painful…i really want to complete this research in terms of academic requirements and pass my viva and then, be free to write and work at my own pace, going with the flow and mood of my creativity. I feel i am in a new transitional pahse, although there is still a lot of writing to do in the next few months…it is the transition towards completion, parallel to all other things that take place in my personal and work life that make the whole thing slower…but…i need a balance…and although it is only just after 10 on a Saturday night, am going to sleep…my mind needs rest..zzzzz

‘the penny dropped’…but, time is needed for the new mode

June 14th, 20091 Comment  

I have started working on the Discussion chapter this week, trying to be more focused. I have not been sure where to start from and how to flow in my thinking since the meaning-making process is still taking place, it is not crystallised yet…maybe it can’t be. I write in a ‘patchwork’ sort of mode, a few paragraphs here and there, without cohesion at first, just trying to put some ideas on paper when they come in my mind and think of some headings for this chapter etc etc. I realise that there is a shift in my mode of being and thinking: so far, the research has been mostly ‘doing things to me’. Now that i have to discuss my research and find ways of expressing my ‘contribution to knowledge’ as a result of doing it, it is me that needs to take a more active role (not that i have been any passive but my immersion has had huge impact in my lived experience)….now it is me that needs to make an impact, to find the gems of what i have been exploring and looking for, like when one finds the ‘diamond’ in the mud and work needs to be done to bring it out, it all its shining…so,  having realised that new way of  needing to approachmy writing now, ‘the penny dropped’ in some way…but, there is yet another transition taking place in that shift, it is yet another liminal space and am IN it now…things sometimes feel as if one is trying to ‘catch water in a net’…i trust that i will find a flow for this chapter too, i keep going…keep walking…the journey continues…